I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
