So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
