i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
