Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
