I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
