two words: eviction party
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
