I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
