Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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