Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
