If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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