k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
