let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
