How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
