Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
birth control should be required to get into college
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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