ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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