my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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