Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
