Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
