i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
