I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
