So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
