you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
