is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize