why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
