I heard we made out
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
