I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
