the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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