you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
