FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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