Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Randomize