Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
