Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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