first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
