I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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