I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
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