I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize