Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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