I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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