his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
