No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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