it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
