ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize