Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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