went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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