You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize