I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
