I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
