Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
