my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
