hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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