Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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