So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
