So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
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