wanna go halves on a baby?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize