Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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