Tell her she can't have a vagina
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
