Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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