3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
