hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
