it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
