Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
