this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
