He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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