He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
