i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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