you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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