I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
